Bah Humbug

December has been stuffed full of lots of ugly weather and work work work. I thought I was looking forward to the holidays but that was until I didn't get to my shopping until the last minute and couldn't get my niece to reply to my emails and put off dealing with a thorny family issue with my brother-in-law and then never had him call me back.

It seems my mother gave my sister Jane a baby silverware set to pass on to her children and children's children but when Jane died, it got lost in the shuffle and Mom found it abandoned and the fork and spoon missing in Bob's garage over Thanksgiving. Now, of course, my mother could not say anything to Bob about about it; she's too passive-aggressive for that. But she could bitch at me about it and make me feel bad enough to say something to Bob about it.

But, of course, I hate these kinds of things... I mean, really hate them. So I put off saying anything until trying to call Bob last night. And--of course!!--Bob doesn't call me back. So now what? Mom's still pissed, Bob may or may not know I want to talk to him about something, and I am pissed at Maddie and him for not responding to me at all.

We have been drifting apart for awhile. There's no denying that. My parents have never been particularly demonstrative and they have managed to pass that on to us... Karen and I and probably even Jerald and Jane, although theirs was tempered by Bob's family and by Addie's family, both of which are much more gregarious, if fruitier than ours... (I don't know, they probably think we're pretty fruity!)

So I didn't sleep well last night after crying myself to sleep because I was sad and lonely and wishing there was someone around to hold me, I woke up at 5 am and hurt all over from the ends of my greasy hair through the muscles in my back and down to my stiff ankles and aching toenails, and I thought that I'd just call everyone and tell them I'd been barfing all night and couldn't come over. Not go to Mom and Dad's and not go over to Bob and Marie's.

I certainly feel like I have the flu; my stomach is even queasy--just not THAT queasy!

And I just want to cry some more. Bah humbug. Pinky

PS: Figured out why I feel like shit and hurt so bad... forgot to take any of my pills last night, including three different painkillers, two sleep aids, and an antidepressant. Doubt the two different cholesterol medicines had much effect but the acid reflux medicine might explain the stomach issues. The antidepressant is one of those that takes awhile to interact so one missed dose isn't going to send me into a dive; I was already there and cleverly masking it as I usually do. Denial is a way of life when the things you deny are unhappiness, loneliness, depression, pain, dissatisfaction, etc. etc. Just put on that happy face and keep smiling and no one will ever know how you really feel because no one will ever think to ask... no one will ever care enough to ask...

Photos-Holiday Dresses

There seems to be any number of Christmas pictures of my siblings and I so I thought I'd start with a couple here for the beginning of December.

My mom told me that she found the dress for Jane and then my grandmother (her mother) found the one for me at a different store and they were a perfect match...

...and here I am looking too cute for words.

I distinctly remember wearing this dress and Jane wearing hers and going over to my Uncle Jerry's house for a Christmas get-together, of which there were additional pictures in my grandmother's slides.

The slides were dated January 1964 which would have made me almost two and a half years old when this picture was taken.

I'd say that was a very early memory... Pinky