My return to Blogland

I haven't posted in forever.

Not much of a surprise there really. The last two months have been Hell really and I have discovered the last week (the most hellish of all) that if I don't take the time for myself to do what I want for me, then I may never get to do it at all.

Do you want to know what happened? I spent the week going from doctor to doctor to determine why I suddenly started shitting blood. Yes, bright red in the toilet bowl Tuesday morning.

After a colonoscopy yesterday, I was diagnosed with ischemic colitis. The specialist who did the colonoscopy said that it was already healing but something caused the blood flow to the colon to become blocked which caused bleeding into the colon and out the other end.

Now, the blood could have been anything from a hemorrhoid to colon cancer and that scared the shit (literally) out of me.

And it made me think--

I don't want to die.

I don't want to die without writing and publishing the stories I have in my head,

I don't want to die because all I've ever done is work myself into the ground,

I don't want to die without living a life.

If that means I need to change what I do and how I live, well, then I guess I'll have to work at changing.

I've always been shy. I've always been in awe of other writers, too in awe of them to ever think of approaching them for advice or even to praise their work. (Maybe that should be reversed--start with the praise and then move to the advice!) I've always held back from putting myself forward out of fear and always been jealous of others' successes but why?

Time is short. I know that now.

It didn't sink in when my sister died 10 years ago but it did four days ago.

Maybe because it was my lifeblood being flushed down the drain. It's one thing when it's menstrual blood, quite another when it's not.

So, I shall not be neglecting my dear blog, dear reader.

Pinky says so...
....and she means it.